by Coach Debbie
Motherhood is really hard. Not rocket science, brain surgery hard. But hard in the most indescribable way that drains you mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. I’ve come up with 26 inventions for moms that would make life easier! #24 and #26 are my favorites.
- 1 year in-home baby expert. When you and your newborn leave the hospital, a certified expert is part of the package. She comes to live with you to give you peace of mind as she teaches you what is normal as well as how to handle the transition.
- Self-warming baby bottles. No need to plug in your warmer with this handy system that has your baby’s formula or breast milk at the perfect temperature, wherever you are.
- “Smart lights” app. Install this free app on your phone that gives you the route with all green stoplights so you never have to stop at a red light; this way your snoozing bundle of joy doesn’t wake up because the car is always moving.
- Solar-powered toys. Batteries become obsolete as all toys run on solar energy.
- Remnant hair dye. Moms are too busy to get to the salon every 6 weeks. After each hair appointment, your stylist gives you a canister of leftover hair dye so you can touch up your roots on your own at home once your roots reappear.
- Drive-thrus everywhere. Each store has a convenient drive-thru window so you and the kids never have to exit the vehicle.
- Self-cleaning car seat covers. Puke, poop, pee and crumbs are no longer a problem for your car seat that you keep for years. With a press of a button your car seat cleans itself for you.
- Ziploc cereal bags. While cereal is not an ideal food choice, we know you’re buying it on occasion. To prevent the ripped bag that causes a Cheerio eruption, all cereal is enclosed in a an easy to open, easy to seal Ziploc bag.
- Grocery store daycare. When you walk into the grocery store, simply drop off your darlings at the in-store daycare where they play and are cared for by sweet grandmas. Collect your belongings once your shopping trip has ended.
- Automatic doors everywhere. No need to spend 3 minutes opening store doors and trying to steer your baby stroller through a narrow door. All doors have sensors that open for you and your precious cargo on wheels.
- Car seat safety monitor. Each car seat will notify you if installed properly or not. Green light comes on when installed right, red light comes on if changes need to be made. Like a copier that tells you where the paper jam is, a display screen shows where the problem is and how to fix it.
- Baby Crying Translator and Volume Control. With this handheld device, you will know what each cry actually means from your baby; choices include hungry, tired, diaper, and ignore. Included in upgraded devices is the ability to reduce the volume of any of your offspring’s cries.
- Teen microchips. Each 13 year old has a microchip installed (while they comfortably sleep) so parents know their exact location at all times.
- Automatic photo albums. Every picture taken on your smart phone of your family automatically uploads to a physical photo album that is arranged beautifully; each album arrives at your door every 4 months.
- Dinner delivery. A home-cooked, healthy meal is delivered right to your house. You select what time and days for your food to arrive. Each person’s meal averages $1.50 each.
- Car seat cots. Sleeping (or tired) babies are no longer a source of angst for moms on the go. Their car seat transforms from car seat to cot to car seat with a silent gliding mechanism so you can go from home to car to home without ever waking a baby.
- Dehydrated foods. Your child is no longer making high-chair messes with this new dehydrated food system. These 100% healthy, organic, gluten-free, nutrient-rich foods rival space food for astronauts. Spaghetti, ice cream, yogurt, soup – it’s all dehydrated and cannot make a mess since they are all in the consistency of a Cheerio!
- Nanny crib. These deluxe cribs come with a variety of services to allow mom to sleep peacefully through the night. Options include: sliding, rocking, bouncing, music, vibrating, warming, cooling, womb sounds as well as alerts to mom’s monitor if sheets have fluids on them.
- Glimpses of the future. On those days when your kids make you want to pull your hair out, you get a 5 second photo of your child as a functional adult citizen in society. This encouragement allows you to endure the tantrums.
- Car seat comfort zone. Want baby to sleep during your car trip? A simple press of a button activates warmth and vibrations. Want baby to stay away during your car trip? Just press the button and your car seat blows random cool air onto baby while a disco light drops down to entertain your baby.
- Self-cleaning toilets. Every time a child uses the restroom, the toilet and surrounding areas are disinfected. Upgraded luxury systems include a neon light sensor which teaches children that their pee has infected the wall and floor so they learn to clean their disgusting messes.
- Mild shock collar. Not intended for every family, but for those who are just plain DONE with the nagging and losing of the mind. Each child wears a decorative necklace that is controlled remotely by mom who is able to send a mild, non-painful shock to the designated child in order to remind them to make a better choice without mom saying a word.
- Car babysitter. Have a lot of errands to run and don’t want to get a babysitter? A car babysitter accompanies you and the kids as you criss-cross town. You can stay interactive with your kids as you drive, yet when you need to enter a store, you just leave your kids in the car while your sweet babysitter entertains them until you return. No more hassle of getting kids in and out of the car!
- Car dividing window. Just like limousines with the window that separates driver from passengers, these easy-to-install tinted windows are sound-proof barriers from you and the children for peaceful trips. Window may be raised or lowered by parents only.
- Professional home visits. Need a tutor, a doctor, a dentist, a counselor? Simply schedule these experts to come to your house any time you need them for any service required. Each visit is $5.
- Better tasting BCAA’s (branched chain amino acids). This magical powder energizes, revs your metabolism, burns fat, and helps with post-workout recovery BUT it tastes like poison (it’s like drinking aspirin). OH WAIT, SCRATCH THIS OFF THE LIST! It is actually coming into existence soon! MOMSANITY IS FORMULATING YUMMY, TASTY, DELICIOUS (AND NATURAL) BCAA’S! STAY TUNED FOR THIS EXCITING INVENTION!
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