I need to ask you a personal question.
Do you withhold sex from your husband?
I wonder if you have a mental list of justifications happening right now.
- “You don’t understand, he makes me mad.”
- “Well maybe if he could get home before 7 from that all-consuming job.”
- “Do you know how long I’ve been asking him to fix the fence?”
- “He doesn’t even care that my day involved cooking, cleaning, parenting…sure, go enjoy that day on the golf course.”
- “He isn’t the man he used to be.”
- “Well maybe if he would start pulling his weight around here I could have the energy to get freaky.”
- “I only get attention when he wants something from me.”
- “It’s give-an-inch-take-a-mile with that man.”
I have an unyielding love for dark chocolate. Sprinkle some sea salt and I’m just over the moon. I crave it. It makes me smile. Eating chocolate is a pleasurable experience. Scientifically proven even. If I don’t get that treat occasionally, well, I’m grumpy.
Anyone seeing where I’m going here? Your husband craves sex with you like you crave chocolate/new shoes/manicures/girls night out. It’s an unyielding desire. He craves it. It makes him smile. It’s pleasurable and scientifically proven. If he doesn’t get it, he’s grumpy.
Let’s sprinkle in some Biblical knowledge here from The Creator of Sex:
1 Corinithians 7:3-6 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
When you swapped vows at that chapel in Vegas, you became “one” in God’s eyes. His body is yours. Your body is his. Don’t burn your bra here. It’s about MUTUAL love. You do your part, he does his part. EQUALITY. FAIRNESS.
So if the Creator of Sex, God, loves us and knows what’s best for us, we trust that dangling that proverbial carrot is a bad move. Putting on your ugly panties (I know you have some, it’s cool) so that your husband gets the loud and clear message….bad move.
Depriving your husband of all that you have to offer him physically has consequences. Too many to go into right now. But according to that verse above, if you two are not getting it on between the sheets, TEMPTATION will come due to the lack of SELF-CONTROL. If I go too long without my 70% cocoa bar I face the temptation of losing my self-control. I’m not saying to have sex out of obligation as some kind of way to “fireproof” your marriage. I’m saying that man that you sometimes make sleep on the couch wants you, needs you, enjoys you.
Unless you have a magic wand, this is no easy fix. You’re in a rut. It’s habit now to just shrug it off and say, “Maybe tomorrow, honey. If you’re a good boy.” So start vertical by talking. Share what’s in your heart and let him talk too. There has to be some kind of compromise.
And you’re a mom. A busy mom. You keep 38 plates spinning at all times. Sex is, what, 30 minutes of your time (give or take)? Sit down with Mr. Wonderful and pull out your calendar. Seriously. Listen, if you’re in the habit of NOT doing it, this is a way to anticipate it and make an appointment. If you’re used to being the dominating wife who only gives it up on major holidays and anniversaries, start slow….like once every 10 days. If you’re only mad at him every other day, once a week. Minimum. You two lovebirds can figure out how to make doing the deed as special and exciting as a fresh pedicure…with girlfriends…and champagne…plus shopping.
Like this article? Don’t WITHHOLD it from friends either, heh heh heh. “Share” it with your girlfriends so everyone can start high-fiving each other for givin’ it up!
OH! And, in case you missed my first article on S.E.X., check that out at http://projectmomsanity.com/?p=482
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