Stevie Robertson is one of our Momsanity Sisterhood members who truly loves the Lord in a way that was strengthened through a lot of really tough losses. Her story has been lived out with such grace and fierce faith that we had to share it with you. May her words bring encouragement and hope.
As a little girl, I dreamed of becoming a mama when I was older. I’ve always had a passion for children, but after marriage we quickly learned it was not going to be easy to make my dream of motherhood come to fruition.
“As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.” Psalm 127:4
We soon began to experience miscarriage after miscarriage and surgery after surgery, and I began to lose hope. I started to experience a truth firsthand that I already knew in my head. God’s ways are not my own. (Isaiah 55:8) My life is God’s to do with as He sees fit. After seeing specialists and crying out to God on behalf of our hearts’ desires, we were blessed with a boy miracle and, nineteen months later, another boy miracle.
On Saturday, November 30th, 2013, the boys were just getting home from a sleep over at the grandparents house (the day before was Sam’s 30th Birthday). It was around 8:30 that morning and I had called the hospital to inform them that I had seen a spot of blood. I was two days shy of being 21 weeks pregnant. As I was on the phone, with the boys by my side; my water broke. It was like an explosion! I frantically called my father in law to come back and get the boys and I called Sam to come home (he had been deer hunting nearby). Within seconds our house was buzzing! My mother in law came for the boys, while my father in law drove us to the hospital. But I already knew… my daughter’s hours were numbered and Heaven awaited her. Allie Grace kicked and was fiercely active all day that day. Even as the doctor informed me she wouldn’t survive, she kept moving.
“The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21
Allie Grace was delivered into the arms of Jesus on December 1st, 2013 at 9:05am.
It wasn’t until we were blessed with our girl miracle and later lost her that I began to say, ”I can’t believe this is my life!” You see, I was still in my twenties. I had my dreams and my life planned out perfectly. Probably the same way you do. But when I held my newborn in my arms while listening to burial instructions, I knew my dreams were exactly that. They were mine and mine alone. I hadn’t been praying for God’s will and for God to align my dreams with His. Rather, I tried to explain to the Lord that I had a pretty good set of plans and I felt He should consider them. I now know and acknowledge His plans for me far exceed my dreams for myself. If God can be glorified greater in my daughter’s death than in her life, then so be it.
“For we know not what we should pray for as we ought; but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” Romans 8:26
We knew we were being called to adopt, so shortly after laying our sweet Allie Grace to rest I began researching adoption. Agencies, consultants, home studies, etc. It is difficult to describe the adoption process to one who has never experienced it. Adoption is scary, hard, exciting, disappointing, frustrating, amazing, wonderful and awful. It’s draining and expensive, but it’s also the most humbling experience. I’d do it all again tomorrow if the Lord made the provisions.
The morning of June 17th, 2015, I knelt down beside my bed and said a prayer I’ll never forget. “Lord, do You see me? Do You see my heart? Do You see my brokenness? Do You see me, Lord?”
(A long story cut short.)
That same day at 11 pm, I had just climbed into bed when our home phone rang. I anxiously answered as to not wake up our boys. It was our adoption consultant. She said, “Congratulations!! You’ve been chosen! Get on a flight as soon as possible; your daughter is being born right now!!!” Screaming, squealing, crying, laughing, sweating, shaking, and praising were all taking place. I quickly ran to the nursery. The nursery where I had knelt to pray over an empty crib. The nursery where I would sit and rock, dreaming and praying for the past 563 days. I packed like a wild woman and slept none. Our flights were delayed and then finally canceled on the 18th, so we got the first flight out on Friday, June 19th. We arrived at the hospital around noon that day. Our daughter was placed in our arms and my life has forever been changed!
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.” Psalm 126:5
The God who created all things saw me that day. He sees me everyday and oh, how He loves me!! “To tell you my story is to tell of Him.”
“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,” Psalm 30:11
I’m so thankful to our friends, family, and Momsanity sisters who uplifted, encouraged, and prayed me through so many dark days. This group is about more than just healthy eating and exercising. They honestly care about the eternal.
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